Think Replacement

No running!, Stop biting! You room is a mess! Why do you have to do that??!?!!

Does it sound like you? Or worse, do you keep repeating yourself over and over but your kids still don’t do what you are asking them to do?

Have you considered a replacement behavior?

But…What is that? You may ask.

A replacement behavior is one behavior that can provide the same result as a less desired behavior, but without the negative impacts.

A replacement behavior might be a behavior that provides the same stimulus of another behavior, but it doesn’t produce harm, it doesn’t disrupt others, or it doesn’t involve damaging objects.

A good example of a replacement behavior can be providing a squeezing ball to hold instead of them biting their nails, or “jumping like a bunny” instead of running at the doctor’s office.

We tend to tell our kids what not to do, which is good and necessary, (don’t run, don’t play with that, etc.), but have we also told them what to replace that behavior with? This is just as important, because for some kiddos, the correct behavior might not be so apparent.

Here are three ways to do replacements that you can use at home to promote behavior change:

Many children, especially in the autism spectrum, enjoy engaging in mouthing (putting objects in their mouth), tapping or peeling. This is a problem because they might introduce unwanted germs into their mouth, be at risk for choking or they can break valuable objects and harm themselves. A great idea is to replace the object they are engaging with. For our kids who like to put things in their mouth, this can be something like a chew toy, stress ball or a lollipop instead of a household object. Games like a drum or a piano can help children who like tapping (and they can work on that musical talent at the same time too!). Peeling fruits and vegetables with their hands (oranges, hard boiled eggs, etc.) while making dinner at home can be an enjoyable activity for a little one who likes to peel objects (and damage them sometimes too) with their fingers around the house. By changing the object they are engaging with, we help them use their interest into something functional and useful, as well as fun and engaging.

In a perfect world we could do anything we want, at whatever time we wanted. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case in the world we live in. However, rules and boundaries help us and our children to understand the world around us. Children also learn to expect consistency at home. For a kiddo who likes to rip paper, a useful replacement is to establish that he can rip only the paper that is in one specific table at home, or in a designated bin. Every time you see them trying to rip something else, you can redirect them and remind them of the rule that they can only rip the paper on that designated space. The same goes for “you can play with your football but it has to be outside”, or “you can play with the water but only in the backyard”.

Some behaviors such as kicking, screaming or throwing objects are only wrong depending on the setting (kicking toys at home, screaming in the car, throwing food off the table). While you still want to correct your son or daughter if they are doing this in the wrong place, these behaviors are ok to do at a park, a soccer game or when throwing out the garbage. If your child likes engaging in these behaviors, encourage them to use them in an appropriate setting where they can freely and safely engage in said behaviors, and can even help with the household chores.

Keeping these three types of replacements in mind can help children understand better what you are expecting from their behavior, as well as engaging in behaviors that still satisfy them but without the negative effects of unwanted behaviors. And of course, as always… Reinforce!!! If you catch them engaging in the appropriate behavior, tell them how great they are doing.